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  His father’s face became a mask. He turned away, grabbed something from the credenza behind him and began working as if Gabe wasn’t waiting for an answer.

  “Peter wasn’t the only person involved in that accident,” Gabe pressed. “I’ve also heard that you had to pay a big settlement on a lawsuit. Are you really having trouble?”

  His father looked up, his expression bitter. “What’s it to you?”

  “You’re going to punish me, is that it? I don’t deserve to know what’s going on because I left for a while? Doesn’t the fact that I’m here now count for anything?”

  Slowly, his father set aside the invoices he’d been thumbing through. “What do you want from me, Gabriel? You want me to fall at your feet or something? You’re here. God only knows for how long, but you’re here. It counts however you want it to count, does that make you happy?”

  Gabe closed his eyes and tried to hang on to some control. But if he ever acted like the old man, he wanted someone to shoot him and get it over with. “Tell me about the mill,” he said when he trusted himself to speak again.

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “I think there is. I think you’re in trouble, and I’m worried about you and Mom.”

  “And you think I should tell you about it.”

  His father’s face was so smug Gabe lost the battle. “Yes, I think you should tell me about it. I’m your son, dammit. I’ve been waiting my whole life for you to remember that.”

  “You’ve been waiting?”

  Gabe turned away and mopped his face with one hand. “I know it’s probably conveniently escaped your memory, but you sent me away. You told me not to come back, and God help me, I believed you. I missed everything that happened in the family because of that, but you can’t keep laying all the blame for it at my feet. I just did what you told me to do.”

  The mask slipped, but Gabe couldn’t tell what the emotion was in his father’s eyes and the things he didn’t say rang out loud in the space between them.

  “All I ever wanted was for you to approve of me,” Gabe said, his control slipping. “That’s it. It would have been nice, just once, to feel as if you liked me one-tenth as much as you liked Peter. But you couldn’t give it to me then, and you can’t give it to me now. Well, I’ve got news for you, Pop,” he shouted, thumping himself in the chest with both hands and then spreading his arms wide. “I’m all you have left. Like it or not, this is it. Peter’s gone. I’m here. You damn near didn’t have me around, but I don’t suppose that would have mattered, would it?”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “I nearly died in that damn jungle, Pop. That’s why I didn’t find out about Peter until just a few weeks ago. I spent months recuperating enough to just get out of there, and the only thing I wanted when I got back to civilization was a chance to make things right between us. But that’s not going to happen, is it? I could spend the next twenty years of my life playing night watchman for you, and it still wouldn’t make any difference.”

  Unable to hold back the anger and hurt any longer, he wheeled away and wrenched open the door. Even then, some part of him wanted the old man to call him back. But it didn’t happen.

  He narrowly missed plowing into Joan as she rounded the corner, and ignored her when she called after him. She was his father’s friend. Let her talk sense into him.

  Still boiling, he passed the crew as they gathered for their shift. He was furious with himself for caring, but even ten years away hadn’t been able to quiet the kid inside who’d been hanging around all these years wanting something he was never going to get.

  When he walked into the employee parking lot and saw Siddah standing beside his Jeep, he stopped cold. The early-morning sunlight caught her hair and gilded it with golden highlights, and she looked uneasy and vulnerable standing there waiting for him.

  His heart skipped a beat, and for one split second he thought that at least one thing was right in his life. But their kiss had been a mistake. One he didn’t regret, but a mistake nonetheless. He couldn’t walk around indulging in fantasies about his brother’s wife.

  Determined to get his thoughts back in line, he took his time closing the distance between them. She looked up and their eyes met, but Gabe did his best not to acknowledge the way those eyes made him feel.

  “Morning,” he said, as if finding her there was part of an ordinary day.

  Her lips curved slightly, and she shivered in the cool morning breeze. “I hope you don’t mind me waiting here. I need to talk to you, and I didn’t want to do it tonight when Bobby could hear.”

  He shrugged and tossed his jacket into the back of the Jeep. “No problem. Is something wrong?”

  “No. It’s not that.” She broke off with an embarrassed smile and twisted her hands together. “I need to ask a favor.”

  “Of me?” That surprised him. “Sure. What do you need?”

  “It’s not something I need, really.” She laughed uneasily, then seemed to pull herself together with a shake of her head and a lift of her chin. “This is silly. I’ll just come straight out with it. Peter and I were part of a group of friends who got together for progressive dinners once a month. I haven’t been to one since the accident, but there’s a dinner coming up at the end of the week, and I’ve been thinking of going.” She slid a glance at him and rushed on. “I just don’t want to go alone. It would be awkward, I think. I wondered if you’d go with me.”

  Her question wiped away all the leftover irritation after the argument with the old man. “You want me to go with you?”

  “If you don’t mind. It wouldn’t be a date,” she added quickly. “Just…well, I don’t know who else to ask.”

  “Ah. I see.”

  Her eyes flashed to his face and lingered there. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’d really like for you to come with me. You’ve become a good friend, and I enjoy your company. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong impression after…well, you know.”

  “The kiss?” He didn’t need to ask, but he kind of liked the way color crept into her cheeks when he said it.

  “I don’t think we should talk about that right now.”

  He would have said the same thing a few minutes ago. Now he didn’t want to talk about anything else. “I think we need to talk about it.”

  “Really, Gabe, there’s nothing to say. It was a mistake—”

  “Was it?”

  “You know it was. You’ve been avoiding me ever since it happened. I understand why. You’re my brother-in-law, for heaven’s sake—”

  “I don’t feel like a brother-in-law.” He shifted so that he was standing in front of her, leaning in, knowing it was the last thing he should be doing and this the last place on earth he should be doing it, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. “I’ve been trying to convince myself that we made a mistake, but the truth is I’d like to do it again—often.”

  “We can’t,” she said quickly, but he could see the desire in her eyes, and that gave him courage.

  “Why can’t we? Is there a law against it?”

  “I don’t think there’s a law. It’s not as if we’re related. But it’s still not right.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…it just isn’t.”

  He touched her arm gently. When she didn’t pull away, he moved to her shoulder and made a slow lazy circle on her neck. Big mistake. He felt a rush of desire and told himself to stop, but he’d never been good at taking advice. “Do you really believe that, or are you just saying that because you think you should?”

  “I—” She broke off, eyes wide. When she spoke again, her voice was so low he almost didn’t hear her. “I don’t know.”

  “Fair enough.” Gabe pulled his hand away and leaned against the Jeep, shoving his hands into his pockets to keep from pulling her into his arms in front of the whole crew. “I don’t know either. But I don’t think we’re doing anybody any favors by pretending something we don’t feel, or by ignoring what we d
o. I’m attracted to you, Siddah. That’s the long and short of it. I’m more than attracted, in fact. I’ve never met a woman like you, and if you’d never been married to Peter, I’d be in hot pursuit. You might as well know that.”

  Letting out a heavy sigh, she sank against the Jeep beside him. “You’re going to make me be honest, too, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t plan on twisting your arm, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  She smiled without looking at him. “I know that. You’re not like that. You’re not at all like I thought you’d be, and I like the fact that we’re honest with each other. So okay. If you’re going to be so damn honest, I should be, too. If I’d never been married to Peter and you were in hot pursuit, I wouldn’t run very fast.”

  Joy exploded in his chest and brought a laugh to his lips, but he stayed exactly where he was, hands in pockets, one foot crossed over the other as if they were talking about the weather. Admitting that they each found the other attractive didn’t open any doors for them. But he more than admired her unfailing honesty and courage. If he wasn’t in love with her already, he was damn close. “Well, so now we know. What are we going to do about it?”

  From the corner of his eye he could see her looking out over the cars again and shaking her head. “What can we do about it? People still think of me as Peter’s wife. You’re still Peter’s brother, and you’re still leaving one of these days. Even if the other things weren’t a problem, there’s Bobby. He’s doing much better since you’ve been around, but I don’t want him to start thinking there’s something permanent in the works. I’m quite sure your parents would be less than thrilled to find out how we feel, and there’s no reason to upset them when nothing’s going to come of it anyway, so I’d say there’s not a whole lot we can do.”

  She was right, but that didn’t stop him from feeling bitterly disappointed. Lifting one shoulder, he turned his face toward her. “So I guess we remain friends?”

  “Seems like the only option.”

  Some perverse part of him wanted her to be as disappointed as he was. Not that he’d expected any other outcome. He knew the drill as well as she did. Why cause the old man to have a fit about something new? Why cause Bobby to hope for something that could never be? Why stir the water in the pond if he wasn’t going to be around to smooth it again?

  But leaving had never seemed less appealing.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  GABE WAS STILL too agitated to sleep when he heard the phone ringing a couple of hours later. He lay on his childhood bed, one arm over his eyes in a vain effort to block out the light. He could hear his mother moving around the house, wielding the vacuum while daytime television shows kept her company.

  The ringing of the phone stopped abruptly and his mother’s footsteps on the stairs soon took its place. He was halfway across the room by the time she knocked on his door.

  “Oh!” she said, when he yanked open his bedroom door. “I wasn’t sure you were awake.”

  “I heard the phone,” he said, stepping out onto the landing. “Is it for me?”

  She paused there, looking at him for so long he knew his father had told her about his illness. With a muffled sob, she gathered him into her arms and held on for a few seconds, then turned around and started back downstairs.

  “It’s that Randy again. I wouldn’t have disturbed you but he said it’s urgent, and since he’s calling from the university…” Her voice trailed off and she turned back to look at him. “I hope he’s not calling to take you away from us. I’m not ready to let you go yet.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it, Mom. I’m not going anywhere for a while.”

  She reached up to touch his face briefly before nodding him toward the kitchen. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. Now go. Get your phone call. Find out what’s so urgent.”

  Surprised by her reaction, and even more surprised to discover that his father had cared enough to phone her, he hurried into the kitchen and lifted the receiver from the counter. “Randy? What’s up?”

  “Just calling to see if you’re surviving up there.”

  Gabe laughed, poured a cup of coffee and carried it to the table. “Hard as it is to believe, yeah, I am. I have a dandy job as a night watchman and everything.”

  “Night watchman?” Randy’s voice grew serious. “You couldn’t find anything else?”

  “I’m working for my old man. Long story.”

  “Well, maybe I can help out. I’m actually calling to see if you’ve heard about the Westmoreland Grant.”

  Gabe cradled his coffee mug in both hands and notched the phone between shoulder and chin. “I thought that had been put on hold.”

  “It was. It’s not any longer. Word is, you’d practically be a shoe-in if you get your name in.”

  He’d been too far out of the loop. Two years ago, he’d have known about this before Randy did, and his application would have been in the running before anyone else’s. But two years ago, he could have done something about it.

  “That’s nice to know,” he said, swallowing disappointment, “but it’s not an issue. I have at least four months before the doctor says I’m clear to go back out into the field.” And, strangely, he wasn’t as antsy to get back as he’d once been.

  “You wouldn’t need to get back out there immediately,” Randy said. “And your work with the Zapara makes you more than qualified. More qualified than anyone else, actually.” He paused and then went on in a rush. “As a matter of fact, I’m hoping to piggyback onto your project. I think that together we stand a good chance of getting the grant. I could do the legwork here, you could do some of the behind-the-scenes stuff from where you are. I might need you back here by the end of November, but I think I could get along without you until then.”

  The old excitement began to stir. “Are you serious?”

  “Absolutely. What do you say?”

  “I don’t know. Things are up in the air around here.”

  “So take the next few weeks to sort them out.”

  After the morning he’d had, the offer certainly was tempting. Whatever progress he’d made with the old man was destroyed now, and the longer he spent around Siddah, the more dangerous that situation became. The easiest thing—the smartest thing—would be to grab Randy’s offer and run.

  But he’d made promises. If he broke them now, he’d just prove the old man was right about him. “Wish I could, but I’m committed to being around here for a while longer.”

  “Don’t say no,” Randy pleaded. “You must be climbing the walls. If not now, you will be soon. So get your name in the running so we don’t lose this opportunity. I’ll handle everything I can for as long as I can.”

  Gabe rubbed the back of his neck and weighed the options carefully. But why shouldn’t he get something in the works? It wasn’t as if he planned to stay here forever. Why shouldn’t he have something lined up and ready to go when he was healthy again?

  His conversation with the old man had shown him that nothing was ever going to change around here, and staying had never really been an option. Not a serious one, anyway. Whatever fantasies he’d indulged in during his private moments were just that. “Okay, I’ll do it,” he said. “Let me grab something to write on and you can give me the details.”

  He jotted down everything Randy told him and tried to find some excitement in the prospect of winning the Westmoreland Grant. After all, research and travel, spending time in remote areas of the world, living in grass huts and sleeping on dirt floors—that was his life. But for the first time, that life seemed empty and uninviting.

  The life he wanted was one he couldn’t have. The life he had, he didn’t want. How in the hell had this happened?

  GABE WAS SURPRISINGLY NERVOUS as he approached Siddah’s front door the night of the progressive dinner. He’d seen her every evening, but they’d both been extremely careful around each other since that morning in the parking lot. Siddah had phoned each day before leaving the office, and Gabe had walked
out the door almost the minute she walked in. Neither wanted to cross the line again.

  But tonight, everything would be different. They’d be together all evening long. A couple. He’d picked Bobby up after school as usual, but Ivy had come by to pick him up and take him to her mother’s before Siddah even got home from work. That had left Gabe time to drive home, shower, shave and change.

  Without Bobby to provide a buffer, anything might happen. Then again, nothing might happen. He knew how the evening should turn out, but he also knew how he wanted it to end and the anticipation was killing him.

  He stepped onto the porch and pressed the doorbell. She answered almost immediately, her eyes wide and dark, her cheeks flushed as if she’d been running the same possibilities through her mind as he had. She’d dressed in a pair of black slacks and a formfitting green sweater that hugged her curves and made his heart hammer in his chest.

  Smiling softly, she stepped aside to let him in. He’d been through the door countless times in the past few weeks, but tonight everything felt different. Special. Filled with meaning. The soft scent of her perfume filled the air between them and made it hard to breathe, and Gabe knew in that moment that he’d never be satisfied by a life without her in it.

  She shut the door behind him, and they were alone. Away from the world and truly alone for the first time. He swallowed nervously and took in the length of her—her soft curves, the gentle swells that made him long to touch her. How would she feel beneath his hands? How warm and soft would her skin be? Just the thought of it made him hot, and he reacted so strongly he was glad they were standing in the dim light of the foyer.

  “You look beautiful,” he said. All the longing he was trying to hide was there in his voice. Damn the dinner. He wanted her.

  He longed to pull her into his arms, hold her until their hearts beat to the same rhythm. He ached to sweep her from her feet and carry her into the bedroom. He wanted to make love to her until the sun rose. To demand something of her he’d probably never have. To claim her and make her his, to wipe Peter out of her mind forever and cement his own place in her heart.