High Mountain Home Page 23

  For this moment, there was no question of who needed more, who wanted more. There was no question of right or wrong. There was only desire and heat, and the longing to make the moment last forever that Gabe couldn’t shake.

  Siddah wasn’t ready for the kiss to end when Gabe pulled away and smiled down at her. “That’s what I want,” he said, “and I don’t want it to end when it’s time for me to leave here.”

  But it had to end, and they both knew it. The pregnancy test had come out positive, but that had been no real surprise. She’d spent the past three days arguing with herself about when to tell him. Not telling him wasn’t an option, but she didn’t want to influence his decisions or make him feel trapped.

  She didn’t know how she’d get along with two children to raise alone, but she’d figure something out. The one thing she wouldn’t do was move to a strange location and wait for Gabe’s occasional visits.

  She smiled sadly and answered him. “You know how I feel about that.”

  “Yeah, but you can’t blame a guy for hoping something’s changed.”

  “That hasn’t changed. I can’t follow you into the jungle, and you can’t stay here.”

  “Can’t is the wrong word,” Gabe pointed out. “It’s won’t. Both of us could change, but neither will.”

  “I don’t think I can change, Gabe. I have a child who needs me. I can’t travel around the world and live in huts and eat grub worms.”

  “But you would if it weren’t for Bobby?”

  She sent him a grudging smile. “No. That’s not the life I want.”

  “You never know until you try it.”

  This wasn’t how she wanted to tell him, but then she didn’t want to tell him at all. And she’d never get a better opportunity. Dredging up all her courage, she faced him squarely. “There’s another reason I won’t leave here and live the way you want to. I’m pregnant.”

  His mouth dropped for a split second before he shot to his feet and pulled her into his arms so she couldn’t see his face. He held her tightly, but she still wasn’t sure whether he was happy or simply shocked.

  After what felt like forever, he held her away from him and searched her face. “Are you serious?”

  She nodded.

  “But how—? Scratch that. I know the answer to that. It’s just that—”

  “Once is all it takes.”

  He let out a tight laugh. “I know that, too.” He released her and paced a few steps away, shaking his head in confusion. “This is great. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. I never thought this would happen to me. I never expected—”

  “I know that home and family and roots aren’t big on your list of priorities,” Siddah said, putting more distance between them. “And I’m not going to try to hold you here with this baby. I just thought you ought to know about it, that’s all.”

  The smile slipped from his face. “What are you talking about?”

  “What we were just talking about. You want a life out there somewhere, but I’m not going to drag my children all over creation with you. I’m staying here, and I’m giving my children the security of knowing where they belong.”

  “That’s your final word? You won’t even consider a compromise?”

  “You can see them both whenever you’re in town. I won’t try to stop you.” She couldn’t believe how much this hurt. She’d grown to love him so much in just a few short weeks. She’d come to depend on him far too much. She’d been foolish and unwise, and now she was paying the price.

  But once again, she wasn’t the only one who’d pay for the decisions she’d made. First Bobby and now this baby. They would both carry the scars for her.

  Gabe heard what Siddah was saying, but she wasn’t making any sense. Or maybe he just wasn’t hearing her right. He was stuck on the incredible news that he was going to become a father.

  A father!

  It was a miracle. An out-and-out miracle, no two ways about it. So why was she talking about staying in Libby and arranging visitation rights?

  He tried to get his elation under control so he could make sense of her argument. “Does it matter at all that I’m in love with you?”

  “Are you?”

  “Of course I am. Marry me. I’ll adjust my schedule somehow so that I can spend more time in Virginia. I’ll get someone to help me with the more dangerous work…”

  She began shaking her head before he’d even finished the first sentence. “It won’t work, Gabe. I’d be miserable waiting around for you to come home, and you’d be miserable sticking around home just to make me happy.”

  “You don’t know that. You’re afraid I’d be miserable, and you won’t even consider any other possibility.”

  “I know myself, and I know what it’s like to live without the security of knowing what tomorrow’s going to bring. I won’t live that way again, and I won’t ask my children to live that way.”

  Gabe rubbed the back of his neck in agitation. “This is crazy, Siddah. You’ve just told me that you’re carrying my baby. This should be the happiest moment of my life. So how can you tell me something wonderful like that and then break up with me in the next breath?”

  “I’m not breaking up with you.”

  “Really? It sure sounds like it to me.”

  “I’m not breaking up with you,” she said again, “because we were never together.”

  We were never together. They were just four little words, but the pain they caused couldn’t have been worse if she’d stabbed him.

  He laughed harshly to keep her from seeing how much she’d hurt him. “We must have been together for a minute or two. Unless you’re telling me that baby isn’t mine.”

  He regretted the words the instant they left his mouth, but it was too late to recall them.

  Her eyes flashed both anger and pain, and she whispered, “You’re a heartless bastard.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  But she was gone.

  He went after her, but she was too quick for him. She slammed the door before he could get up the steps, and he heard the unmistakable sound of the key turning in the lock. He stood there for a full five minutes arguing with himself about what to do next. After all, he had a key. He could let himself in and sort everything out. But one thing kept running through his mind, and it was enough to get him turning around and walking away.

  He’d obviously misread her signals. She wasn’t in love with him. She’d never been in love with him. He just didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it before.

  Her heart still belonged to Peter, and it looked as if it always would.

  HE’D JUST STARTED packing when the knock he’d been expecting sounded on his door. He’d come straight upstairs without speaking to his mother, but Gabe wasn’t surprised that she’d sensed his anger. He’d never been able to slip anything past his mother.

  Tossing the armful of socks he held into his open suitcase, he crossed the room and opened the door. When he saw the old man standing on the landing, he froze.

  “You got a minute?”

  “Um… Sure.” Gabe couldn’t remember the last time his father had sought him out like this, and he had no idea why he was doing so now. He moved aside to let him enter, and the old man took in the disarray.

  “You leaving again?”

  Gabe was in no mood for an argument, but he didn’t have enough emotional energy to prevent one. “It’s for the best, believe me. But if you want to say ‘I told you so,’ don’t bother. I give in. You were right and I was wrong.”

  His father stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked up onto the balls of his feet. “You want to tell me about it?”

  Tell the old man what a mess he’d made of everything since he’d been back? Gabe nearly laughed. But why hold back? Sooner or later the truth would come out and everyone would know. Why not just face up to it now?

  He shut the dresser drawer he’d just emptied and shrugged. “Sure. I’ll tell you about it. I’ve screwed up, okay? I’ve done exa
ctly what you thought I’d do, only I’ve done it bigger and better than you ever imagined.”

  “You never did do things halfway.”

  Gabe barked a laugh and ran a hand across his face. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I might as well just come out with it. I’ve fallen in love.” When the old man didn’t react, he said, “With Siddah.”

  “Go on.”

  “You want more? Okay, how’s this? She’s pregnant. We were only together once, but that was enough.”

  “And you’re running out on her?”

  “Hell, no. I begged her to come with me. Even asked her to marry me. She’s not interested.”

  “Never knew you to take no for an answer before.”

  “Well, there’s a first time for everything.” Gabe turned away and pulled an armful of shirts from his closet.

  “You love her?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Well, then, do what you have to do.”

  Gabe crammed the shirts into his suitcase and met his father’s gaze. “And what’s that?”

  “Get her to marry you.”

  “She doesn’t love me.”

  “Horsefeathers.”

  Gabe planted his fists in the mound of clothes on his bed and stared at the old man. “She doesn’t want me.”

  “You’re the only person around who believes that. Keith and Andy saw it plain as day on Labor Day, and your mother’s been buzzin’ around here for weeks trying to decide what to tell them. So get Siddah to marry you.”

  Laughing uncertainly, Gabe sank onto the edge of his bed. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation at all, much less with the old man. “She doesn’t want to marry me, Pop. That’s the bottom line. I’ve already asked her. She won’t leave here.”

  “So don’t leave.”

  “I’d pretty much have to. Even if I could convince her to say yes, there’s no way I could support a family of four on my night watchman’s salary.”

  “There’s no law that says you have to stay a night watchman forever.”

  He was in the Twilight Zone. Gabe was almost sure of it. “What are you doing? Offering me a promotion?”

  His father turned to look out the window and stayed that way for a long time. “The mill’s in trouble, Gabriel. I’ve been trying, but I can’t pull it out on my own. I could use some help.”

  The admission came so softly Gabe wasn’t absolutely certain he’d heard right. But the look on the old man’s face when he turned back left no doubt. It had obviously cost him dearly, but Gabe couldn’t remember many things that had ever sounded sweeter.

  “You want me to help you?”

  “I’m asking if you will. If we don’t do something, we’ll lose the whole thing. But I can’t let that happen. There’s too many folks relying on me.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  The corners of his father’s mouth tilted up. “I could give you a hand with that if you need one.”

  It had been so long since the old man joked with him, Gabe wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’ll bet you could,” he said at last.

  “Think about it,” his father said. “Give me your answer later. And as for Siddah and the baby…it’s not an ideal situation by any means. Somehow life works out a little easier when the baby comes after the wedding.” He came near the bed, paused and put a hand on Gabe’s shoulder. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t do the right thing. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to make the right decision, son. And sometimes we’ve just got to make a decision right.”

  “But how do I know what right is?”

  “You’re a good man, Gabriel. If you love her enough, you’ll know what to do.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  A COLD GUST OF WIND WHIPPED around the bleachers, scattering dried leaves and dirt in its path. Low clouds hovered overhead, dark with the promise of snow. Shivering, Siddah pulled the knit scarf she was wearing tighter around her neck and dug into the bag at her side for the blanket she’d brought along. On the field Bobby looked toward her, and she held two mittened thumbs up for encouragement. But inside, she felt hollow, in spite of the new life growing there.

  Gabe had been gone for nearly a month already, and though she suspected that Helene and Monty had heard from him, she’d had no word. Not that she expected cards and letters. She’d been through this before when Cornell found out she was pregnant. She knew the drill.

  But that didn’t stop her from replaying their last conversation and wondering. If she’d admitted how much she needed him, how afraid she was to have this baby on her own, or even just how much she loved him, might he have stayed?

  She’d never know.

  The sound of voices nearby brought her head around eagerly. So far she was the only parent here, and any conversation would be better than sitting here drowning in her own regrets. She wasn’t surprised to see Helene approaching the bleachers, but she nearly fell off her perch at the sight of Monty all wrapped up in his sheepskin jacket and leather gloves.

  Smiling uncertainly, she stood as they came near. “I didn’t realize you were coming to watch the game.”

  “You know I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Helene said, hugging her warmly.

  Helene had taken over as Bobby’s baby-sitter without a word of complaint after Gabe left, and Siddah had finally let herself accept the help with gratitude, but she still wondered how long that would last once she told them about the new baby.

  She’d been seeking an opportunity to talk with Helene for weeks. Well…maybe not seeking, but at least wishing for an opportunity to present itself. But Bobby was always awake when she got home, and there never seemed to be a good time.

  Tough as it would be to tell them about the baby, she dreaded telling them about the house even more. Reality had forced her to withdraw her name from consideration for the new paralegal position. Maybe she could have done the job under normal circumstances, but with a new baby on the way she simply couldn’t devote that much time to any job. But without that extra money she wouldn’t be able to save the house Monty and Helene had bought for them.

  As Monty and Helene settled in, she checked around to see if anyone else had arrived. They were still alone, so maybe she should tell them now. Already, her clothes were getting tight, and she wouldn’t be able to hide her pregnancy forever. But what if they got upset and Bobby found out why. Here, now, in front of all his friends.

  If telling Monty and Helene was tough, try explaining to a ten-year-old why Mommy was suddenly having a baby, and why this baby would grow up without a daddy, too. She couldn’t even explain it to herself.

  She’d just have to tell them another time.

  Monty sat on one side of her while Helene chose the other, and that surprised her even more than Monty’s presence did. Obviously, Gabe’s visit had brought about more changes than she’d thought.

  She smiled over at him. “I’m glad you came. Bobby will be thrilled.”

  “That’s my grandson out there. Of course I’m here.”

  Of course? She bit back a smile and decided not to remind him that he’d never been to a game before. “He’s number twelve. There, on the other side of the field.”

  Monty looked to where she pointed and nodded. “Getting tall, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.” Siddah wished Gabe could be here to see this. He’d be utterly amazed—just as she was.

  They fell into a surprisingly companionable silence, which Helene broke a few minutes later. “Thanksgiving is next week. You and Bobby are coming for dinner, aren’t you?”

  She’d been dreading this moment, and had even let herself think that it might not come. “I don’t know, Helene. I thought maybe we’d just have a quiet dinner together.” Made up of whatever she could bear the smell of that day.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Monty growled. “Of course you’re coming. You’re family.”

  “You certainly won’t want to make a turkey and all the fixings just for the two of you,” Helene said.


  “I didn’t plan on making anything elaborate.”

  “You’re going to make that boy go without turkey?” Monty asked, his face incredulous. “On Thanksgiving?”

  It took all the self-control Siddah had not to laugh. “I’m sure we’ll survive.”

  “It’s not a question of surviving.” Helene tucked her arm beneath Siddah’s and squeezed gently. “We know you’d both do just fine at home, but we want you with us. The holidays are a time for family.”

  Siddah was fighting a losing battle. With both Gabe and Peter gone, she and Bobby were the closest thing to an immediate family Monty and Helene had left. It would be tough for her, being back at the house, knowing that she’d lost both of the men she loved. But Monty and Helene had been through enough disappointment, and so had Bobby. She didn’t have the right to be selfish.

  “All right,” she conceded. “We’ll come. But only if you’ll let me bring something.”

  Helene shook her head firmly. “You’ll bring yourselves. That’s all we need. Monty and I will take care of the rest.”

  A WEEK LATER, Siddah approached the door to her in-laws’ house holding a bowl filled with mixed nuts. A light snow had begun to fall as they drove out of town, and a few soft flakes landed on her cheeks and eyelashes as she walked.

  Bobby ran ahead of her, eager for the holiday to begin and completely oblivious to her uneasiness. But that’s as it should have been. Bobby didn’t need to carry the burden of her mistakes. He was doing enough of that already.

  Before Bobby could knock, Monty opened the door and welcomed them both inside. But the instant Siddah stepped into the kitchen, she knew she’d made a serious mistake. Her stomach lurched at the scents of roasting turkey and cinnamon, and it was all she could do to deposit the nuts on the table before rushing into the bathroom.

  When she came out a minute later, she found Monty bundled in his sheepskin jacket and wearing a hat. He’d obviously been waiting for her, and he held out her coat silently. Her mind raced as she took it, and she followed him outside wondering how to explain what had just happened. She didn’t want to lie, but ruining Thanksgiving with her news didn’t seem like a good idea either.